Skip to content

Being the right mate

February 4, 2010

Long ago I heard this little saying and I have held on to the belief that the real trick is not in simply finding the right mate but in being the right mate. Relationships take love, an investment of time, patience, creativity, laughter, endurance…the list goes on and on but let’s be honest…relationships take work, hard work.

There are so many simple, thoughtful ways we can “work” on our relationships every day. I thought the following was interesting…

Ellen Kreidman created the following list of woman’s needs.
She wants to be your first priority.
She wants you to consider her needs above everyone else’s.
She wants you to think that no other woman comes close to being as wonderful for you as she is.
She wants you to brag about her to your friends and family.
She wants you to feel proud that she’s your mate.
She wants you to prove your love.

Ladies, he wants you to:
Tell me why I make a difference.
Tell me why I matter to you.
Tell me over and over again. Don’t tell me just once. Tell me everyday of my life.
Keep complimenting me on my strengths.
I want to be your knight in armor.
I want to be your hero.

What a simple, tangible way to help meet our sweet love’s needs and reaffirm their importance in our lives.

P.S. Almost every morning, resting on the edge of my sink, is my toothbrush already covered by toothpaste by Todd. It’s such a simple little gesture but it goes such a long way in making me feel loved. XOXO Thx T! It’s the little things that matter after all…


Mystery dates…becoming an artist of your relationships

February 2, 2010


 Growing up, my grandparents, “Pop & Dean” as we affectionately called them, used to frequently go on what they called a “Mystery Date”.  On the specified Friday, one of them would plan the entire day’s activities with the other spouse in mind.  The designated planner would craft the entire day/evening and merely let the other spouse know what they needed to wear and what time they would be departing.  I loved the excitement that they each would share as one grandparent truly had no idea how the day would unfold when pulling out of the driveway and the other grandparent would be tickled to start letting the mystery unfold.  They explored all sorts of destinations in Oregon that they might not have typically have checked out from the lighthouses along the coast to the Pendleton Woolen Mills.  I always told myself that I wanted to copy this idea someday and spend my retirement going on these mystery dates.

A few years ago, I was able to use my grandparent’s Mystery Date idea and surprise my sweet love Todd with a mystery trip to Seattle to see the Mariner’s play.  I planned the whole trip and told him to pack an overnight bag and hop in the car.  I actually told him he was being “kidnapped” although there was no ransom note involved. At first I told him to close his eyes but that didn’t last long (maybe next time I need a blindfold).  He had no idea where we were headed although I tried to give a few little clues along the way.   I can’t tell you how much fun I had planning the mystery.  He was a good sport for going along with the antics and was rewarded with a good game – Mariner’s won!

There’s something to be said about the premise of the Mystery Date.  You make him or her feel special and I guarantee that in return you will be made to feel special.  Get creative.  Plan a surprise.  Make today extraordinary!

Become an artist of your relationship with Mystery Dates

bliss beginning

February 1, 2010

Love, love, love this amazing reflection and wisdom born of experiencing and living from eighty-five year old Nadine Stair who wrote If I Had My Life to Live Over:

If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.  I’d relax.  I’d limber up.  I would be sillier than I have been this trip.  I would take fewer things seriously.  I would take more chances.  I would take more trips.  I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.  I would eat more ice cream and less beans.  I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

 You see, I’m one of  those people who live sensible and sanely hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I’ve had my moments and if I had it to do over again, I’d have more of them.  In fact, I’d try to have nothing else.  Just moments, one after antoher, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.  I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.  If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter than I have.

 If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  I would go to more dances.  I would ride more merry-go-rounds.  I would pick more daisies.

There is such richness in being alive and experiencing your life fully.  We live in such a busy time and are so often running from point A to point B but joy is all around us.   It can be a challenge to find it but we really must place value and priority on being alive and infusing love into our lives.

Yesterday, we met a fellow named Dean who shared that he had lost his wife to mouth cancer.  In his effort to remind us how fleeting life can be, he also told us to seriously stop stressing about the small stuff and to simply treasure the lives that are around us.  When I say this, I mean your sweet loves, your family members, your kids, your dear friends.  He urged us to turn off the distractions (t.v., phones, computers) and sit down with that person and take them in because we never know when we won’t have that person in our life to share time with and we never want to regret missing those moments.   He shared about how he and his wife had identified the “Joy Suckers” of life and how he strives to live life now without his wife and without the “Joy Suckers”.  He wistfully described how he longed to have just one more day… 

There was not a dry eye around the room and tears were streaming down my face and it was all I could do to refrain from blubbering  and running off to scoop up my little family.   Seriously…unless you know that the clock is ticking…it is so easy to waste our lives or not place value on those who mean the most to us.  How easy it is to merely exist through our days going along and taking all our relationships for granted.

Anna Quindlen once said, “Think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived.”

Those words changed me yesterday. 

And now…I am starting to write this blog to remind me to live in bliss (believing life is something special).  May this space be a reminder to treasure relationships first.  To make the time to stay connected.  To keep my relationships juicy (read exciting, current, fresh).  To give on-going thoughtful attention to actions that nourish relationships.  To love out loud for all the world to see.

I hope you will join me on my search to discover ways we can show our loved ones that they matter and that they are so loved in this shared lifetime.  In doing so, I think we will be teaching ourselves to live our lives to the fullest and to love this fleeting journey.

Hello world!

January 16, 2010